


Tantalus

by anthercrazyperson



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anthercrazyperson/pseuds/anthercrazyperson
Summary: Tyler and Josh broke up and now Christmas dinner with their families is awkward.





	Tantalus

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure about this one, but here it is.

It was awkward. As much as they had hoped to avoid the awkwardness, it was still there. It was the first time that Tyler had wished that his mom wasn’t such good friends with Josh’s. He wished that they didn’t insist on having Christmas dinner together. He wished he hadn’t come, but most of all, he wished he and Josh hadn’t broken up.  
At first, Tyler and Josh had stayed away from each other. But there was only so long they could do that for.   
Christmas dinner; also known as the world’s biggest, and worst, game of musical chair. Or, ‘who would you least like to sit next to?” Tyler was pretty sure that his sister had been in charge of where everyone sat this year. He was also pretty sure that she was going to pay for this.  
That was how Tyler ended up sitting next to Josh, doing his absolute best not to look at his ex-boyfriend. He already knew what Josh’s face looked like. He knew every detail of it. He knew what Josh’s purple dyed hair felt like. He knew what it looked like in the morning, or in the pool, or anywhere. He knew what Josh’s colorful tattoos looked like, he knew every detail of them, and it killed him to know he might never touch them again.  
It was like that Greek myth they had read in school. The guy who had food and drink, but couldn’t eat or drink. For all eternity, he lived there, tortured by what he wanted, what he needed, but could not have.  
Josh was thinking about how he could still remember Tyler’s lips, and the taste of his toothpaste in the evening. And about how he had broken up with his latest fling, a guy named Sam, who looked creepily like Tyler.   
Josh thought about Tyler’s tattoos, and how Tyler liked to walk in fresh snow. It was snowing now, big fat flakes that covered the ground. Josh didn’t think anyone else had noticed, until he saw Tyler staring out the window. Same old Tyler, who noticed everything. He hid his small smile, before Tyler noticed that too.  
Tyler was quiet, but nobody else seemed to notice. Except Josh. Of course Josh noticed. Even after almost six months apart, they were so attuned to each other.   
Josh noticed Tyler’s quietness, he registered it, and he knew what it meant. Something had happened, and nobody knew. Except Tyler. That was when Josh really started paying attention, looking for the signs he knew, and hoping not to find them.   
But he did find them. Tyler’s long sleeve shirt, the tattoo around his wrist barely showing. The bags underneath Tyler’s eyes, how his clothes seemed to be a bit too big for him, how he just picked at his food, not really eating it.   
Josh didn’t want to think about what those meant, but he knew. Cutting, not sleeping, not eating. He knew he shouldn’t have been surprised, but he had hoped Tyler would be okay without him.   
Stupid, stupid, stupid, Josh. He silently berated himself. How could he think, even for a minute, that Tyler would be even remotely okay? Tyler, who would put the whole world’s needs in front of his. He would walk through fire for his friends, he would move in with a friend to make sure they were okay, but he couldn’t take care of himself.  
They were both relieved when dinner was over. They could escape the uncomfortableness, go back to pretending the other didn’t exist anymore. They could both go back to their separate wishing. Wishing they could touch the other, sit next to them, hug them, kiss them, curl up with them on the couch and fall asleep together. Wishing they could be together. 

It wasn’t long after dinner before Josh noticed that Tyler was no longer in the house, and he had a good idea where Tyler had gone. He just wanted to check, he told himself. Just to make sure Tyler wasn’t going to do anything stupid. Just to make sure he was okay. He slipped his shoes on and pulled his warmest coat on before he stepped out of the noisy Dun house.  
Looking down the dark street, he saw a figure standing under the streetlight, face turned up to the low snowy sky. Tyler.   
Josh walked through the wet snow, tucking his hands into his pockets and pulling his hood up against the biting cold.   
He stood next to Tyler, not saying anything, leaving space between them. Tyler was staring down the road now, and Josh was sure he saw tears still on his cheeks.  
“It’s all so pure.” Tyler’s voice was rough, and Josh realized then just how much he had missed Tyler.  
“I’m so sorry.” Tyler said, then broke down. Josh couldn’t help it, he pulled Tyler into a hug. A hug that Josh hoped told Tyler everything, because Josh just wasn’t any good with words and emotions. Not at all.  
They stood in the snow and light cast by a streetlamp. Josh breathed in Tyler’s familiar scent, and he might have cried. Maybe a little bit. Tyler held tightly to Josh’s coat, relieved to be enveloped by Josh again, and cried. He never thought he would get this again, to be hugged by Josh. He had thought he would be doomed to a life of regretting his mistakes and trying not to think about all the stupid things they had ever fought over.   
Tyler was so relieved to be back in the familiar comfort. He didn’t ever want to leave the warmth and safety of Josh’s arms again.   
They stood there, wrapped up in each other, until Tyler’s crying had quieted into occasional hiccups, and they both started to shiver.  
It was Josh who finally broke the silence to ask a question. It was a question that he’d been wanting to ask for the past six months. A question that had kept him up at night and haunted him through the day.  
“Can we start over?”  
Tyler’s insides went warm with relief, and he nodded so fast that Josh was afraid Tyler might get whiplash.  
“Of course we can.” Tyler’s voice was rough, but he was happy.   
Josh smiled, his relief evident, and his eyes crinkled. Tyler melted inside. He would do anything for that smile.  
“That’s good,” Josh said, “‘Cause right now I just wanna cuddle you and protect you from the world.”  
Tyler smiled, and said, “Right now, that’s all I want too.”


End file.
